Today was much of the same as yesterday. Still feeling sick, still laying in bed trying to get rest hoping that will make me feel better. My head is still in a "fog" and I zone out very quickly. I feel apathetic and lazy but at the same time I am trying to make this rest like a Sabbath. Its amazing to me how much I define my "worth" by the productivity I create instead of my worth coming from who I am. I am loved. I am a child of God. I am unique and wonderfully made in the image of God. There is no one like me, not even one similar who has my personality, my smile, my feelings, my thoughts, my fingerprint.
Some of the darkness that I continue to wrestle through is defining who I am not by what I do or what I accomplish, but simply by being me. Is it ok that I dont own my own home? Is it ok that I dont make triple figures a year? Is it ok that I shop at places like TJ Max? Is it ok that I am an introvert in what seems to be an extrovert position? Knowing the answer to these questions and so many more is yes, it's ok because that's who I am. Yet owning it the majority of the time is a constant struggle.
God where are you in all of this? You are the voice that keeps calling me, giving me hope that yes it is ok to be me. You are the light that shines in those dark moments exposing the truth that you do love me for who I am. You are the stories written in the pages of the scriptures, and yet you are in the stories written in pages of my life that points to hope, healing, restoration in the midst of the chaos, brokenness, and emptiness.
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