I made a commitment to the students and myself that I would take the challenge of journaling as we went through the Day of Atonement preparation. So here I am finding myself starting yet another journal.
My day today was relaxing as I woke up on Tuesday morning sick with a sore throat and pretty bad nasal congestion. Seems like everyone has it. Nonetheless, I was laid out in bed for most of the day which is difficult for me because then I cant be out and about hanging out and meeting with people. In fact I think that is where I felt most disconnected and separated today. As I got on campus, my head was in a fog and I felt more like I was dreaming then I was at church, I didn't engage with the students nearly as much as I like to or wanted to. I had a conversation with a few of them, but for the most part there wasn't much of a connection. I didn't play dodge ball like I usually do, I didn't hug people like I usually do, and I didn't stop to listen how people were doing like I usually do. I just felt out of it.
I did have a few minutes to do a Lectio Divina before church started which was rad. I opened up to a random psalm and it ended up being psalm 37. I read verse one and found myself focusing on the word fret. I began to feel anxious and frustrated as I kept going over that word in my head. As I asked myself, what is it about this word, why this word God, I began to notice that you were simply saying that you have things taken care of and I need to just drop it. I realized there were somethings that I was holding onto in the youth group wanting them to go a certain way and I was worried about them and that's why I was feeling anxious and frustrated. Now lets see if I can just let them go!
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